Thoughts From A Psychotherapist

I don’t understand the hate

A Vanity Fair Editor lets her son wear nail polish. Chaz Bono is going to be on dancing with the stars. These events have caused such vitriolic hatred online that it is almost unfathomable to me. What is actually more shocking to me is the number of people that feel they are able to justify their hatred by quoting bible scriptures. I don’t want to debate anyone’s right to religious freedom, that is a given right in this country, as it should be. What I do question is people excusing their hatred and ignorance by misquoting religious scripture. Do people really think that makes it okay?

What I know is that violence against others, including verbal assault, is wrong. Why should anyone really care that a boy wears nail polish or that Chaz Bono is transgender? What difference do those things make in our individual lives?

After Proposition 8 passed in California, removing the right for gays and lesbians to marry, I was angry and hurt. For a period of time I walked around looking at my neighbors wondering if they were part of the group that hated me. Because as much as the anti prop 8 people said it wasn’t about hatred, to me and many in the community, that was the way it felt. To remove a right from an entire class of people, could be justified only by ignorance and hatred.

I found the anger I had was exhausting. I believe most people are good. I want to believe that, it is part of who I am and how I move though the world. To not to be able to connect with one of my fundamental values was horrible. I eventually realized I would have to grieve the loss and know that eventually justice would prevail. That is what freed me. I pity the people that are so filled with fear and hatred that they need to attack parents that accept their children as they are and people that feel stuck in the wrong body. What a terrible way to live one’s life spending it hating others. I choose to try and make the world a better place for me having been in it. For me that is a far worthier goal.

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