This is a collection of all of my Blog Posts.
Upon deciding to explore the topic of setting boundaries, it became evident that a mere discussion of the mechanics of boundary establishment would prove insufficient. While many of us understand the procedural aspects of setting boundaries, encapsulated in the simple act of uttering the word ‘No,’ the true challenge often lies in the apprehension that such an assertion may elicit displeasure, particularly when the individual in question holds significance in our lives or exerts influence over us. Consequently, finding the resolve to utter ‘no’ becomes a formidable task, even when such refusal is imperative.
The challenge extends beyond the procedural aspects of boundary setting; it resides in the careful deliberation of whether these boundaries are necessary and how to navigate potential repercussions in the face of backlash. Among those socialized as female, this struggle is perpetuated by historical conditioning that emphasizes the paramount importance of preserving others’ happiness—an expectation ingrained in the female psyche. Many internalize the notion that their self-worth is contingent upon their ability to ensure the contentment of those around them.
This begs the question: How does one successfully establish boundaries amid the concern for potential consequences? For many individuals entering their 50s, a newfound liberation emerges, liberating them from the burden of worrying about others’ opinions. This liberation may stem from a culmination of factors, including fatigue resulting from years of shouldering substantial burdens or the transformative phase of menopause, which seems to grant freedom from societal expectations.
Despite this newfound freedom, the most challenging boundaries to set are often within the realm of familial and relational dynamics. Instances of this complexity manifest prominently in sibling relationships, where established dynamics, seemingly ingrained since childhood, appear resistant to change. Effecting transformation in these dynamics proves to be a formidable undertaking, particularly when only one party desires such change.
Initiating change requires the persistent reaffirmation of boundaries, often necessitating repetition until the recipient can assimilate and accept them. Maintaining a neutral stance during this process is paramount, as impatience may undermine the effectiveness of the boundary-setting endeavor. For many, this journey is an ongoing process, one that demands a steadfast commitment to self.
Learning to set boundaries and uphold them constitutes an ongoing learning curve. If we can reach a point where we confidently establish and maintain boundaries, it enables us to take better care of ourselves, fostering the potential for a happier life.
I am teaching a class Building EMDR Confidence-How To Effectively Use EMDR With Complex Cases. This class will be online on May 20, 2023, from 9-12 PST and 12-3 pm EST. It will be videotaped and available afterward as a distance learning class. This class is to help therapists better serve their clients with complex trauma. We will discuss stabilization techniques, how to know when a client is ready for EMDR, and interventions for when processing gets stuck. I will teach you some practical strategies for integrating parts/ego states work into your EMDR work. The goal is for you to have new tools to bring to the office the following Monday.
Here is a brief video of me talking about the class.
This class is for licensed therapists who have completed EMDR Basic Training Levels One and Two and have completed the associated 10 hours. This class is presented by Cathy Hanville, LCSW They/She
EMDRIA Credit Provider #23010
EMRIA Certified Therapist and Approved Consultant
This class is approved for 3 EMDRIA Credits #23010-01
This class complies with EMDRIA Standards for EMDR
This class will be recorded and available to all registrants after the course for 60 days. If you do not attend the full live presentation you will have to complete a post test to obtain EMDRIA credits.