It was a hard week to be a LBGT therapist
I woke up Sunday morning and sat with my coffee and Ipad as is my morning routine. I immediately realized something horrible had happened. So on came the news. I was quickly in tears. Not just another mass shooting but one that specifically targeted both the LGBT and Latino communities. I watched the news until I was coaxed to turn off. I have checked in on the stories of the victims all week long. Each story breaks my heart. It has affected me deeply.
I understand that all people are hurt, angry, confused etc. about this shooting. But for LGBT people it is very very personal. We have all always known that on some level we aren’t safe. Many of us have experienced a variety of different anti-gay actions from name calling, to bullying, to murder. We have all been fearful of being who we are in public settings. For those of us of a certain age we all came out to some extent in a bar. The bars were where you were safe. Where you could dress like you wanted, kiss whom you wanted, and sigh a deep breathe knowing you did not have to pretend to be something that you were not. The bars were the safe place, for some in certain communities the only safe place for them. That has now been torn away.
Gay rights and to a lesser extent transgender rights have progressed enormously in the twenty plus years since I came out. We can now get married and in a lot of places can hold hands freely. At the same time our jobs are not protected in many states. Gender Non-Conforming and Transgender people continue to be harassed and hurt for going to the bathroom. The recent bathroom wars have caused many in the community to become fearful again. This horrible tragedy has exacerbated that fear.
I had more than one person tell me this week that this tragedy told them that people still want them dead. That is what LGBT people are holding this week. That some people want them dead. It makes me sad beyond belief.
As a therapist my job is to support my clients to help them work through their feelings. This week I had to do that as I held my own grief, anger, and sadness. What I could do was be with each of them as they had their feelings and be honest at the times when I had my own feelings about this horror.
I don’t know how we will all carry this moving forward. But this week as hard as it was to be a LGBT therapist there was nothing else I would have rather been doing.